A Pig and a Blanket

Dear Diary,

My husband tried socializing me, last night.  I seemed to do OK.  I talked to people and they talked back.  I used to think Californians were more civilized about processing meat, but I was wrong.  In Minnesota, they cut up and grind their venison and then freeze it for future use.  In California, we throw the whole pig on the fire and then eat the meat once its heated up.  No food storage necessary.  And no apple in piggy's mouth, either.  Zero points for display, but numerous points for taste.  I wonder if just 'tossing it on the fire' works for chicken, too.  It sure would save plucking all those feathers.  We got a new bed, yesterday.  It only took the delivery crew a few hours to put it together.  I couldn't watch.  My engineering heart cringed at their conversation.  Things like, "I seem to be missing some parts," and "I have extra pieces left over," made me want to kick them out and let me put the darn thing together.  After incredible patience, it was finally installed and it looks amazing.  After getting a full night's sleep on it, I can vouch for its stability.  It didn't collapse across the bedroom floor and is still in one piece, this morning.  Well, time to get some breakfast . . . and no, it won't be left over pig.