Happy Thinks

Dear Diary,

I've been having the strangest dreams.  I, consistently, wake up from them around 3:00 a.m.  Sometimes I remember them and sometimes I don't.  What I do know is that my dad has been in a lot of them, lately.  In my awake times, I have these bizarre moments in the day where I think about dad.  Some are quite odd, like can he see me running/riding out here on Fort Ord?  Will he send me a spirit animal to say "hello"?  Was that Bobcat a sign?  These aren't even things I would ever have associated with my dad.  Then there are moments where I am in my own world and completely unaware that he is going to sneak into my thoughts.  I will be checking in on Facebook to see what my Minnesota family is up to and I see a post with Dad's name in it.  These always make me cry.  I think its OK for me to be sad and miss dad, he was my dad.  But when I see others miss him too, it stuns me.  Then it makes me realize how much more he was.  He was more than my dad.  He was a bit of something to others and we all miss him just a tiny bit (or a lot).  Is it wrong to be a little jealous that others cared about him too?  My cousin will be doing a firefighter stair climb.  And recently he has posted, "This year while I am climbing the 69 flights of stairs I will be thinking of my uncle Lane that passed away this year."  I wish I had the stamina and strength to join him, but you can be sure my heart will be right there with him.  Because I am now a little bit pleased that dad was special to others and not just plain ol' dad.  Meanwhile I will continue to run 5Ks each month this year in his honor.  It won't get dad back but it makes me think of him and I don't mind that so much.  My thinks are surprisingly happy thinks and that can only be good.